How is the language used well in this extract - help please?
~ Mystic Dreams ~ asked:
Sarah saw the light in the distance, the plume of smoke from the tiny chimney. Soon she would be there; soon she would be safe. She ran the last few yards along the beach, through the weather-beaten gate, up the untidy path to the sturdy wooden door. She rang the bell and the door was opened.
It’s about a girl [Sarah] who has run away from home. How is the language used well? How is the punctuation used well? I know that the cliff-hanger is good but I want something a bit more than that - something interesting..?
Any ideas?!
Thanks!
Lorna
Amazing Wedding Planning
well it does describe a lot of detail and make the reader completely clear of everything going on without very many words.
Comment by Aspen — February 9, 2008 @ 4:20 am
It has wonderful imagery, you can almost see what the writer is describing, you can feel yourself being there. “tiny” chimney, “weather-beaten” gate, “untidy” path, “sturdy wooden” door, all describe the scene and make it much more real then if those words were omitted.
Comment by maggie — February 11, 2008 @ 9:06 pm
it uses a lot of imagery (you can almost see the path in your mind as you read) and the puncuation has a sort of choppy feel, like she is tired or running.
Comment by Jared P — February 12, 2008 @ 9:54 pm
This extract’s punctuation is varied, using ;’s (semicolons) along with periods. It’s sentence structure is very advanced. The prepositional phrases are frequently dispersed at the end or beginning of sentences seperated from the meat of the sentence by a comma. Instead of:
Sarah saw the light in the distance. She also saw the plume of smoke from the tiny chimney.
She said this instead:
Sarah saw the light in the distance, the plume of smoke from the tiny chimney.
Catchin’ my drift?
A lot of melodic sensory details are used, giving it the effect that you are really seeing and feeling it. Instead of a bland play-by-play, the tone of the extract really sets the mood for how suspenseful the story it is. Differently structured words with nice sounds are used throughout sentences, giving it a flowing feel.
Comment by Prolific — February 14, 2008 @ 7:17 am
There’s a lot of sensory imagery and the punctuation is used correctly. The punctuation is used to keep the paragraph moving, without making the whole thing seem like one big, under-punctuated run on scentence. But it isn’t overly punctuated, that would make it look like it was written by a first grader.
Comment by Rhea — February 14, 2008 @ 4:29 pm